Thoughts on Third Grade

Third Grade.

In Third Grade, my entire world changed. We moved. I left a school I loved, a teacher I loved, friends I loved, a house I loved and a neighborhood I loved. I still have a note from the principal that I got on my birthday that year. I still remember singing "Kookabura Sits in the Old Gum Tree" and playing "Thumbs Up 7-Up" at my desk. I can close my eyes and picture the classroom. I remember learning about President Carter and his love of Peanuts. I really thought Third Grade was the best ... until we moved. I still love the town where I spent most of the first 8 years of my life and I secretly wish that Sam would choose to attend College there. Elmhurst was "home".

Our new house needed a lot of work. It took up a lot of my parents time. Everything was new, and everything was different. However, I know that the changes that came in Third Grade allowed me to become who I am now. I made new friends, faced many new challenges, and forged new life long memories. I still love that town also, and get misty eyed just thinking about the street my Grandpa lived on just a few blocks from us. I loved walking home from swimming lessons through the sitting park near Stone Avenue station and looking for Chipmunks. I loved the sound of the train, the walks to Prosche drug store, and the local grocery store where everyone knew your name. LaGrange will always be "my home town".

Sam started 3rd Grade on Wednesday. So far I'm IN LOVE with 3rd Grade again. But I know that this year is going to be full of change, challenge, and growth for Sam. I know that he will make new friends, face new obstacles, and discover his own "favorite" things.

As his mom, I hope that I can help him recognize that no matter what he faces, he has the strength and love of God beside him to guide him and help him through the good and the bad.

I hope that as an adult, he'll remember the trails he ran on, the parks he played at, the treats from Culvers, and playing in the neighborhood with friends. I want him to look back and fondly remember all of this collectively as "home".

Wuv...Twu Wuv...

There's been a lot of talk about LOVE in my life lately - young love, old love, and all kinds of love in between.



How do people "fall" "IN LOVE".
Can people fall "out" of "love"?
There's the fairy tale version of "love" with rose petals, princes on white horses, and fair maidens...
There's the sweet love of child with a sticky face offering a parent a priceless kiss.
There's the movie "love" - the one where boy meets girl and despite obstacles of distance, age, finances, education, or even intense dislike, they fall head over heels for each other.
There's 'best friend' love, brotherly (and sisterly) love, family love, and then...

Then there's God's love - eternal love - the kind where He sends His only son to take away the sins of the world so that we may have fellowship with Him if we only believe.

In 1 Corinthians 13, love is laid out for us:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

I suppose that is the LOVE that I want to be known for having. A love that doesn't end when circumstances change. A love that endures storms and allows me to go on "without fail" even when my heart feels broken, trampled or ignored.

I pray that those in young love will realize all that God's love has for them as they grow, and that God's love will protect and guard their hearts, allowing them to also go on "without fail" in His perfect love forever.

Full of Emptiness

I love oxymorons and the phrase "Full of Emptiness" really seems to sum up my heart's feelings at times. It isn't like I can fit ANYTHING else in my heart, so one would assume that my heart is full - but yet it simultaneously feels completely empty. How is it possible to feel on so many contradictory levels?

I continue to try to focus on the things I know and to try to remember that value and strength are inherent because of who I am as a child of Almighty God, not who others perceive me to be.

The days I remember to be mindful of the creator of all things and to realize that He is holding everything in His hands are filled with more peace than emptiness. When I get distracted by my circumstances and listen to the voices that are trying to pull me into despair and darkness the feelings of complete emptiness threaten to overwhelm me.

I come completely undone every year with the 'holidays' in full season as I anticipate not being able to meet my own expectations of a 'real' Christmas. I am praying that I will be able to stop and listen and hear the Angels singing the only "REAL" reason to celebrate: Luke 2:14 “Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.”

Fear Factor

I've been thinking a lot about the "FEAR Factor" lately. Fear is both a noun and a verb, defined accourding to merriam-webster.com as follows:

Noun:
1a : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger b (1) : an instance of this emotion (2) : a state marked by this emotion
2: anxious concern : solicitude
3: profound reverence and awe especially toward God
4: reason for alarm : danger

And
Verb:
transitive verb
1archaic : frighten
2archaic : to feel fear in (oneself)
3: to have a reverential awe of
4: to be afraid of : expect with alarm
intransitive verb
: to be afraid or apprehensive

Fear can be 'rational' or 'irrational' and my reaction to "Fear" in both the noun and verb form can be similarly categorized.

Fear can do the following:
1. Motivate me to overcome the fear
2. Paralyze me in response to the fear
3. Control and dominate nearly every thought with fear
4. Initiate a retreat in reaction to the fear

I've recently taken a baby step in 'overcoming' a fear of Algebra by taking a placement test. In the grand scheme of things it is a ridiculous fear, but I literally used a fear of failing to put on hold something that I could have accomplished years ago. I'll categorize that as an 'irrational' reaction to FEAR.

But there are other fears - anxious concerns and apprehensions - that I still need to contend with that loom larger than scrambled letters and numbers on a page.

I've determined that my reaction to these fears should be to first analyze the "things" being feared.

1. Is it a situation in which I have any control? Are there steps I can take to alter the perceived outcome?
If yes, use the fear (anxiety, concern) to put together an action plan and take one step at a time toward change.

2. Is it an event that is impending but one which I really have no way to change? If yes, use fear as a reminder that God holds our future in His hand and He already knows the outcome. Change from being controlled by fear to a position of power and peace through prayer and trust in the hand of God to lead and guide when the future is unclear.

The "FEAR Factor" is definitely real. We all face daunting giants in our lives -some of us on a daily basis. May we be like David and use one stone and a reliance and profound reverence and awe toward God to face our fears and overcome them.

Where have you been?

I generally like to write, but I'm terrible at forming habits (unless you call procrastination a habit). So I do not write on a consistent basis. I know I have a blog, but really, what's the point if no one else reads it? Well, I guess the point is that sometimes I need to read my own reflections every once in awhile. I recently reviewed a post I wrote and thought "Did I really write that?" Sure seems applicable to my situation now. Can I just repost it I wonder? Guess my writing is not fruitless if it helps even one person...even if that one person is me.

More Life to This Life

Perspective is still one of the most amazing "concepts" to me. So many circumstances can change our perspective in so many ways instantly. Life altering events happen without warning and take on many forms - the death of a loved one - diagnosis of a terminal disease - loss of a job. Each of these circumstances catapult us to another level in the landscape of life. How we deal with these changes and the subsequent choices we make can alter our paths and produce more changes which can again change our perspective! It is one of the many variables in life, and frankly, one of the hardest to grasp. All around us are people who may also be facing an unexpected change in perspective. How precious it would be if we could realize the fragility that they are facing in determining all their new view entails. What if we could pray more for others even while going through our own shadowy valleys? It isn't easy. Sometimes our own problems are rightfully consuming. But as I face my shadows I know that I have the Ruler of this Universe by my side, and I pray that I will recognize each struggling face that He puts in my path and give me the strength and wisdom to reach out, beyond myself, and allow me to be a light into their darkness to show how much more there is to this life.

Under The Sun

There is nothing new under the sun..."What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun..." Ecclesiastes 1:9 (NIV) Does this mean life is "de ja vu" all over again? Feels like it some days. Since I am blogging to impart things to Sam, I want him to know this feeling is definitely REAL. The feelings that overwhelm you at times will be felt again. The frustrations in life have been felt before... but the great thing about there being "nothing new under ths sun" is that God has "been there" and "done that" for his children throughout history. It is this simple fact that I am focusing on today. I have no idea what God has in mind for our family. We are wandering in the desert with no end in sight. But God's been to the desert before...many times...with many people...and He can lead us through anything. My questions don't stop with the reassurance that God is with me. I want to know WHY we are in the desert. I want to know WHEN we will get out. I want to know HOW we will exit - will there be more mountains to climb? Will there be rivers to wade through? I know God is here, but sometimes I lose my patience in waiting for a visible sign from Him of a door open, a path cleared, even a whisper saying "almost done"... And it seems I've felt this way for months now... nothing new under the sun Trust Patience Understanding God's will I feel i've learned all the things above...and then I feel like I'm right back where I started. nothing new under the sun So, to help cope when there is nothing new under the sun... when you know there is nothing left you "can do"...you can know there is only one thing you "should do"... Pray. Pray fervently. Pray without ceasing. God's already been here - He already knows the way out. The only peace will come through Him, through thoroughly throwing your hands up to Him and saying "it's me...again...I'm here in this desert...where to next God?" Maybe the oasis is just around the next sand dune...