Joy For All Seasons

I've been thinking about Joy this Christmas. What brings you joy? True joy - not just the temporary high of the feeling of happiness... The joy that is deep and peaceful and brings refreshment to your soul. Sometimes that joy is elusive if we focus on the "feeling"... So, I've also been reading about feelings - the emotional part of us that can trick us into believing that we need to feel "happy". There are a lot of things that bring me "happiness"...but the feeling is often fleeting. The joy in my life - what I hold dear to my heart - never goes away. When I concentrate on the joy that I have - my husband, my Sammy, my neices, my family - creation that surrounds me - the amazing joy that comes from knowing the creator of the universe who was born to save us- I can find the strength and energy to share true joy with others and not be burdened with the temporary fact that there are days when I just have a hard time "feeling happy"!

Now What

So it's 1am and I can't sleep. Yes, I am mulling. Now what? How long? Why? What's the plan? Where's that EMail from God? Why can't I "get" that all the things that I type are "real"? God's provision is REAL. God's love is REAL. God's presence is REAL. I can type it, but can I LIVE it? Why do I struggle with this overwhelming fear that maybe it really ISN'T going to be ok. Maybe because I know somewhere in my being that perhaps God isn't quite finished "shaking up the box". I have thought of the entire "perspective" perspective tonight...yes, I meant perspective perspective... the comparison of our struggles versus the struggles of so many others and how minute and insignificant what we are facing is. But yet I still sit up staring into the blue daisy virtual world with wide eyes asking NOW WHAT? So...NOW WHAT? I guess the answer is to "get beyond myself". Or, to use an acronym, GOYS. GET OVER YOURSELF (a self direction intended for me, not you readers!!) DO something for someone less fortunate. Put some "perspective" on my perspective...it's worth a try.

God Laughs

Almost everyone has heard the quote "We plan, God laughs". I feel that He's laughing now. This past Sunday there were so many indications of how much bigger HIS plans are than I could ever imagine. As a point of clarification, I don't imagine God laughing in a sarcastic or sadistic "Haha, I've trumped ya" kind of manner. I feel it's the gentle laugh of a father who says "Ahh, but I have something so much better in mind." Our pastor's wife is terminally ill with cancer. I don't think God is laughing at their situation, but I do see that their earthly plans have been completely obliterated. They are now planning a funeral. How does that work? In our Sunday School class, we began a new study. I don't have the author's information so I will have to credit the study in a future post, but the beginning emphasis of the study really follows the "plan" dilemna. The author stated that the most important spiritual act we can "do" is "CHOOSE". Choose? What does THAT mean? Then we delved into various scriptures about how one seemingly tiny choice can have life altering implications. Do we listen to God's direction and choose wisely or do we choose rashly or selfishly or even mindlessly and "just do it"? What are the ramifications of our daily choices? Do we choose out of fear or faith? I never contemplated that the act of choosing is spiritual. My self analysis disclosed that at times, I "act" out of habit without much thought at all. So is that still "choosing"? We are stressing making wise choices with Sam in conjunction with the character traits that his school is focusing on. God seemed to be saying to me "What are YOU choosing?" over and over and over to me on Sunday. Am I choosing to realize all that is around me? Am I choosing to be thankful for everything? Am I choosing to let God be God? Am I choosing or am I just "saying it" because it "sounds spiritual"? Saul chose to make a sacrifice on his own when he was out battling the Philestines. Seems like "the right thing to do", right? Nope. He was told to wait for the priest. Because of that wrong choice, the kingdom was removed from Sauls lineage. Wow. There are so many things that are seemingly up in the air. For someone who likes to have all the answers and spends tons of time "mulling" and "trying to get the answers right" ahead of time, this whole choice aspect was a completely new revelation. Our pastor and his wife are a great testimony to how choices can affect more than what is visible at the moment. Their choice in planning a celebration of God's goodness through this earthly suffering communicates more than any sermon or any spiritual "how to book". My own choices need to be made through more listening and less "muilling". I need to CHOOSE to let God make the plans. Maybe then I can laugh WITH God when I see HIS plans realized in my life. Not an obnoxious "HARDY HAR HAR" kind of laugh, but a soft "Wow, God! This is great!" kind of chuckle that resonates deep within my soul.

Real Sunday

Ever feel like Sundays are "the worst" days of the week when they should be the best? I think I've felt that way my entire life. I always struggle with putting on the "right" attitude when in fact I should be just real and me and looking forward to spending time at God's house of worship. The adjustments this week of starting a new job, a new schedule and fighting a cold really hammered me and by this morning I was fighting a terrible headache and couldn't get out of bed. The guilt of missing church "again" really weighed down on my heart. I had to stop and think about how God views things. Does He want me to be in church worshipping Him? Yes, without a doubt. Does He want me to care for myself and care FOR myself, and treat my body as a temple in which he dwells 24x7? Emphatically, YES! So, was it "wrong" for me to stay home and rest? No. It was the right thing for me to do. However, I think God would also want me to look at how I can better manage myself and my time and my week so that I am more rested on Sunday so I can worship with others. There has to be a balance between "duty" and "responsibility". Sometimes people attend church out of "duty" and miss the real heart of worship...but they are "there" sitting in the pew. I don't think that is what God intended church to be. We have a responsibility to honor God, to worship God and to fellowship with other believers. But that doesn't always have to happen on Sundays between 8 and Noon, nor should it ONLY happen on Sundays between 8 and Noon. Church should be something we ARE, not something we GO TO. It should be REAL and it should be 24x7. THAT's a REAL SUNDAY.

Lord Move or Move Me

So there's a song "Lord Move or Move Me" by FFH. I've always felt a connection to that song. But as I heard it tonight on my way to FedEx, I had to ask myself, can I REALLY pray this and mean it? Can I be REAL enough to really ask God: "Lord, move in a way that I've never seen before, cuz there's a mountain in the way, and a lock on the door... I'm drifting away ...waves are crashing on the shore...Lord Move or Move me...I've got to leave myself behind...give away everything I hold on to...Lord I know the only way is through this....Lord I know I need you to help me do this...Out of this place of complacency to a place of fellowship with Thee...I am weak but Lord you are so strong....It's been so long..." How and Where am I willing to BE MOVED for him? Can I give away everything I hold on to? Am I willing to give up being comfortable and complacent and let him "SHAKE IT UP" even more than I already feel I've been shaken? Am I open to HIS leading or am I still trying to "direct" things? Honestly, I believe it is a continual process of release and renewal. God speaks to me frequently through music when I'm quiet and listening and can feel Him tug on my heart and say "I'm here." He'll most likely Move or Move ME whether or not I'm ready...it's just makes it a little less painful when I've already given over the steering wheel to Him rather than Him having to pry my fingers off the controls...

The Big Day

So tomorrow I start job #2 working as a contractor at Hamilton Sundstrand. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I've been telling myself "it's only temporary". Then I read these verses in an email print out from http://www.proverbs31.org/ (Thanks Sarah!!) - The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him." Nahum 1:7 (NIV) and "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life; You stretch out Your hand against the anger of my foes, with Your right hand You save me." Psalm 138:7 (NIV) and a verse I can recite in my sleep and am quick to hand out to others but I always seem to forget it applies to ME... "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1Peter 5:7 (NIV). So, real life fills us with feelings of anxiety, fear and stress at times. I can do all the "positive talk" I want, but I still have these feelings. I think they are normal. I think God even allows people to have feelings of fear and stress and anxiety in hopes that we will turn right around and give them back to Him and allow Him to carry all our burdens and to feel His love. It's easier said than done at times. There's no "send" button in my brain that will instantly teleport the anxieties to Him. I think it's that way on purpose so that we are continually given the opportunity to enter the presence of the Almighty with our hearts open to Him. So that will be my LifeNTimes tomorrow...spending lots of time with God in a strange new place.

First Post

Well, I've waited a long time to start a "blog". I'm a "journaling" kind of girl, but I just never seem to have the time to pull out a pen and actually write. However, I'm watching as my son is speeding through childhood, and he has NO journals, other than short blurbs in his scrapbooks. Nothing to record how wonderfully curious he is. No written accounts of his humorous anecdotes. I read dozens of scrapbook magazines, and feel guilty as tears stream down my cheeks after reading heart felt stories of other people's children! I want him to know how special he truly is. I want him to see what REAL LIFE is. Real struggles, real hopes, real dreams, real prayers...REAL. BUT, I don't want to be so busy recording life that I forget to LIVE life either. The times we live in are full of challenges. Those challenges are what will continue to change us as a family as every day zooms past. I want him to know that despite everything these LifeNTimes bring, we are first and foremost centered around our God, who is awesome and who created us and brought us all together. That is why I've created this Blog. To document our LifeNTimes and to be as real as possible in showing what REAL LIFE is all about.